


Mr Loverman

by RuMaDoo



Category: Banana Fish
Genre: Angst, Grieving, I wrote this at three AM, M/M, PURE PAIN, Songfic, after canon, grieving eiji okumura, just pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:35:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27769162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuMaDoo/pseuds/RuMaDoo
Summary: I’m Mr Loverman, and I miss my lovermanhttps://youtu.be/GBzn7QNpeFg
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Mr Loverman

Eiji lay on the floor staring at the ceiling blankly, fighting his tears. The alcohol finally starting to hit him, leaving him open to his own thoughts. His legs shook. His hands shook as he reached up, staring at them. They were the hands Ash had held. He couldn’t think straight. He felt his heart crack. Ash was gone. Crack. He would never see him again. Crack. Did he see the letter? Crack. He could feel himself breaking like a glass, then his emotions poured out. Loud sobs filled the room. It took a while for the man to realise they were coming from his own mouth. 

Eiji missed Ash. He loved him. His heart was filled with the regret that he had never been able to tell him that he loved him as more than a friend. They weren’t friends. It was obvious to everyone but them at the time. He clutched his chest as more painful sobs bubbled out of him. Everything hurt. There was still a small part of him that believed that it was all a sick joke. That he would go back to America and Ash would still be there, his emerald eyes glimmering with mischief. Though he knew he was kidding himself, he wanted to believe it with all his heart but he just couldn’t. He would never be able to touch him again. He would never get to say “sayonara”. 

Maybe if he could remember everything about Ash, he wouldn’t be gone. He closed his eyes and imagined his face. His eyes. His beautiful green eyes that could read every emotion like a book. His golden hair that shone in the light. His beautiful smile that was reserved for his loved ones. His soft white skin that Eiji longed to touch one last time. The lips that had stolen his first kiss. He remember it all perfectly. He tried to save the image, not wanting time to take it from him. He took the camera from next to him and flicked through it. All his memories were in that camera. Every little moment with Ash, all saved on there. It hurt to look at. 

Everyone else knew Ash Lynx as a cold, calculated killer. Eiji knew an entirely different Ash. The Ash that was afraid of pumpkins. His Ash. The Ash who had seen his friends die. The scared boy who had been to hell. The boy who had cried on his lap and asked him to stay. Maybe if he had been there. Maybe he could’ve stopped it. 

What was he supposed to do now he was gone? Oh what am I supposed to do without you? He took another drink, needing to drown it all out. It was all so painful to think of. He put away the camera, not being able to bare to look at all the photos. 

The Japanese boy stumbled to the balcony of his barren apartment, big enough for two, but filled by one. He stood against the railings and ran his face through his hands. He tilted his head back and screamed Ash’s name but it was carried away by the wind too quickly.   
He looked over the landscape of Tokyo. It was nothing like his home town of Izumo, but the big city reminded him of New York, if he squinted hard enough. 

When he bought the apartment, he was expecting Ash to come to Japan. Filled with hope for the future. But Ash didn’t have a future anymore. In Eiji’s letter he had wrote: ‘you are not alone. My soul is always with you.’ Now with Ash gone, he had taken Eiji’s soul with him and the black haired boy was truly alone in the world. 

Ash Lynx is dead.

His love was gone.

His heart throbbed as he cried out. His head pounded against his skull as he tried to comprehend it. He felt sick to his stomach. Dropping to his knees, he began to shiver violently. He had to drag himself back inside. Lying on the hard floor and replaying the painful memories of his trip, he began to feel numb. He didn’t know how to deal with this. His vision began to ebb as he fought off sleep, not wanting to dream. He felt like he would never dream again.


End file.
